Voldemort vs Sauron War by Correspondence
by Tar-Palantir
Summary: NEW CHAPER UP!!!! Don't get too excited. Just read, reveiw...and don't forget to flame :p
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I wrote this fic while listening to Queen and Ulm Knabenmusik (who, by the way are really awesome) CDs. May be super-weird, cannot tell myself as in a permanent state of super-weirdness. Also, may contain spoilers. You have been warned.  
  
BTW - this is set at about the time of 'The Two Towers' and during the 4th Harry Potter book.  
  
To Sauron, the 'Dark Lord' smirks No, I will not come to your V-day party. You're just having one to show off, and rub it in that you're better than me, which you're not. Also, I don't care for the foul creatures you keep for company, nor for your company. Anyway, I have my own evil plans to sort out. How do you know you'll be victorious anyway? You can't even steal jewellery from under- grown men. You sound too cocky. I will laugh for all of eternity if you fail. Which you will. I'll start laughing now to save time. Voldemort, the real Dark Lord  
  
To Voldemort the Inferior Little Newt for a Dark Lord. I wouldn't start laughing if I were you, he-who-cannot-kill-little-children- but-can-only-inflict-scars-on-their-foreheads. What do you mean, if I fail? How, may I ask, can I fail? Those stupid mortals can not resist each other, let alone a trinket of awesome power. Alas, we agree on one thing though, brother. I don't care much for those slimy orcs either. But they are amazingly useful. All I have to do is watch while they all go off and get killed in my name. Quite entertaining really. But what I really need now is a foot massage, or I would if I wasn't so disembodied. Must write it on my 'to do' list, right after 'find One Ring of power'. I will expect to see you at my party. Sauron, the Supreme Dark Lord  
  
To Sauron, the Cocky and Infuriating. Why don't you just go play with your jewellery and leave me to conquer in peace? Just because you 're older you think you're so much better than me. If I come to your party I'll have to bring Nagini, she's been getting hungry. At least I've got better pets than you, and their more faithful. All your servants want is power for themselves. Wormtail can help me have my own body again. Then we'll see who is the greater Dark Lord. Huh! Voldemort the Thoroughly Ticked Off.  
  
To Voldemort the Jealous and Meek. By all means, bring you pets. Shelob could do with a good meal. Anyway, I don't think I'm better than you, I know it. I also know that all my servants want is power. Do you honestly think the un-sleeping, un- blinking, all-seeing eye is blind? Ambition is very precious, without it my servants would never do as well as they do. It's just that I know how to control them, which is more than I can say for some disembodied forces of evil who call themselves 'Dark Lords'. I would like to meet this 'Wormtail' character. He sounds quite interesting. Bring him to the party, if you will. Then Shelob could really have her fill. But how do you know that this time it will work? You've been trying to get a body of your own for fourteen years now, it's really getting quite repetitive and dull. I'm getting sick of you always complaining about failure. Please, after you fail to get a body this time, spare me of your complaints, go torment some other being. It's not going to be easy ruling the whole of Middle-earth, and the last thing I need is you dropping round letters full of complaints and tears. So long Sauron, the Older, Wiser, and Far Closer to Once Again Being Embodied. 


	2. Chapter Two

Please disregard the following paragraph:  
  
Sorry I haven't put up a chapter in ages. School is taking up every second and I'm not really involved in this fic. I don't like it at all to be completely honest. But I'll trudge on. Please please please give suggestions as am not bothered to think for myself, it really gets rather dull if I think of everything. Which I don't, you'll be lucky to get one though outta me in a day. I'm rambling. I always do when I'm sick, or tired, or annoyed, or happy, or depressed.wait.no, I always ramble. Well, if you don't like it, why are you reading my fic????? Get out, I don't deserve your company you un-rambling, rambling-intolerant being. I should really write this fic now. You should really read it now. Stop reading these ramblings and read the fic. Oh yeah, and don't forget to flame! :p  
  
Sorry, it's only short, and don't wait for the next chapter, I probably wont write it in ages. And when I do it'll probably be really crap.  
  
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Please regard the following paragraph as may be useful if seeking the next chapter of this fic:  
  
To Sauron the Old and Foolish  
  
I really recommend a makeover. A new look. It's just that you mentioned you eye. Which I guess is you. Just when I got over the last time I saw the eye, you go and mention it again and bring back memories. It is not remotely scary, but makes me shudder all the same. The fact is, and I am being quite blunt, that you are really really really ugly, and the eye thing is not a good look, I mean, how old is it? It's not in the mode, it's rather pathetic, and it's embarrassing when people are like 'oh, you're the brother of the eye guy, yeah, the really disgusting eye that looks everywhere and freaks out little men carrying jewellery'. It's really not nice.  
  
I choose to ignore the comments made about my past failure. They were just attempts, and I do not cry. This time I cannot fail, and I'll kill that little child who keeps, so annoyingly, refusing to die.  
  
I hope you look better for your v-day party; you'll scare away all the guests.  
  
From Voldemort the Sooner to be Embodied, He-Who-Will-Not-Fail  
  
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To Voldemort the Grotesquely Ugly and Pathetic  
  
I will not get a new look until I am embodied. Though I thank you for your concern of my welfare. It is rather pathetic though, that you are known only by association. You inspire fear only through who your brother is. It is really quite sad, very sad. Sure, I've had longer to establish a name for myself, but by the way you were raving on when you were 'in power' I'd think you were the supreme ruler of your universe. I begin to doubt everything you once claimed as your own.  
  
I also despise your comment made, directed towards my disembodied appearance. As if you can talk. He-who-wanders-around-looking-like-a- snake. I also reject your claim that I am pathetic. Really, is that fair? I, after all, do not have to share bodies with pathetic servants and drink blood to keep myself alive. I also do not throw away chances to become embodied and live forever lightly. There must be an excess of embodiment opportunities in your 'earth', to keep you satisfied. I am really startled that you haven't regained what little power you had, and that, in your vain attempts, someone, especially a small cocky boy in the possession of a rather useful scar, hasn't completely destroyed you.  
  
I must go retrieve what was mine in the way of jewellery, recover my body, dominate the whole of middle earth and prepare for my v-day party. It's really not easy being a Dark Lord, but then again, you wouldn't know.  
  
From Sauron, he-who-doesn't-need-a-title  
  
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I don't see where this is going, so if you know please tell me. And don't get annoyed if this does go nowhere fast, because it will, but I'll enjoy getting scorched from all the flaming. 


End file.
